Back to Reality

I’ve been avoiding this blog of late, and I’m still strangely reluctant to write this evening.  It’s not for a lack of things to write about; there’s plenty going on right now.  I suppose I haven’t wanted to write, because I’ve spent the last 6 weeks trying to enjoy my summer and put all thoughts of being sick out of my mind.  It’s hard to write about my experiences with cancer, when I’m desperately pretending it is not a part of my life.

Of course, I can never really forget.  While I haven’t had any official treatments since the end of June, little things keep popping up to remind me that all is not well. My generous daughter shared her impetigo germs with me. Normally this would amount to nothing, but with my less than optimal immune system, it gave me a nasty little staph infection. I can now add “boils on my buttocks” to the master list of things I’d never hoped to experience. After two weeks of antibiotics, the infection is much improved, but still not gone.  I’m starting my second round of antibiotics tomorrow to try to kick it. 

Another interesting reminder is the increasing frequency of hot flashes.  In my mind, some sort of lingering radiation power surge in my body is causing my face to flush and burn at random moments throughout the day. In reality, the radiation therapy probably jump-started the early stages of menopause.

An additional constant reminder is fatigue.  Most mornings I have reasonably good energy, but by about 3:00 each afternoon, I’m spent. Last night, Gregg “sent” me to bed at 6:30, and I slept for 14 hours.  I know that I’ve written of my love for sleep, but even I know that 14 hours is a bit much.

Therefore, I must admit my efforts to hide from cancer this summer have been fruitless.  In addition, my reluctance to write has left many friends and family members in the dark about how I’m doing.  I’m sorry about that.  I’ll endeavor to post more often in the weeks to come.

Now on to some important updates…

I posted last month about seeking a second opinion from doctors at Johns Hopkins (JHU).  It took about two weeks to get all of my records faxed to the correct people, but once I cleared that hurdle, things began to happen.

First, the doctor at JHU sent me for an MRI.  This surprised me, because my current surgeon told me a scan at this point was not necessary.  He reasoned that regardless of the scan’s results, he’d be removing my entire rectum, because of the damage sustained from the radiation.

Going to JHU last Monday for the MRI was quite an experience.  There’s this energy at Johns Hopkins that I can’t quite explain.  It’s as if the place hums with positive vibes.  There are banners all over the place that celebrate 21 straight years of being the best hospital in the country.  Framed enlargements of the covers of US News and World Reports from the last 21 years line the long hallways.  I half expected a nurse or doctor to greet me waving a giant foam finger and shouting, “We’re Number 1!”  (This would not be a good thing.  At this point in my life, any form of giant finger is very, very bad.)

On Wednesday, I met with the surgeon at JHU (whom shall hitherto be referred to as “Dr. E”) to discuss my options.  His thoughts were similar to those of my original surgeon, and he made the same surgical recommendations.  This did not surprise me.  My intent was never to find a kinder, gentler option.  My mom, when given a choice of treatments for the melanoma, opted for the less invasive procedure.  Less than a year later, she was gone.  I don’t know that choosing the other option would have saved her life, but I do not intend to take any chances.

Dr. E had some other news as well.  The MRI indicated a lesion on my bladder.  The likelihood that this is some form of metastasis is very small.  Colon cancer generally spreads to the liver or lungs; it rarely metastasizes to the bladder.  This is most likely a lymph node enlarged from exposure to radiation.  While Dr. E is not overly worried, he still thinks the lesion warrants some attention.  He’s contacted a urologist (Hitherto known as Dr. B), and he’s setting up an additional Pet-CT scan. 

I realized that had I not gone for this second opinion, the lesion on my bladder would have gone unnoticed.  I asked Dr. E what he thought about this, and he explained that not doing a scan after treatment was actually “standard procedure”, but he did not always agree with the standard.  I guess that’s one reason this is the best hospital in the country.  It was at this point that I knew for sure I was sticking with JHU.

Now this whole bladder thing complicates matters a bit.  When I have the colorectal surgery I described in an earlier post (July 13), I will also undergo surgery to remove the lesion from my bladder.  Depending on its size and location, this can be either a simple or a complex procedure.  They won’t know for sure until Dr. B opens me up to have a look. 

On the bright side, whatever it is on my bladder, it’s coming out, and Dr. E is still using the word “cure” with regard to my cancer.  On the down side, they no longer have the option of using the location of my previous C-section as the incision point.  The combination of bladder and colorectal surgery requires that they cut me open from stem to stern.  While I hold no illusions about ever wearing a bikini again, the larger incision requires more time to heal and increases the possibility of infection.  Still, I have faith that I’m in good hands.  Who knows, maybe I can get a plastic surgeon in there and get some liposuction done as well.

Coordinating with two surgeons is not easy.  My surgery will most likely take place in late September or early October.  Until then, I’m going to do everything in my power to improve my health and build my strength.  I figure, the healthier I am going in, the sooner I will recover from all of this nonsense.