Wind Ensemble

Today I had biopsy number two. My oncologists want an additional pathology report before making a final decision about my radiation/chemo protocol.  Unlike the colonoscopy two weeks ago, today I experienced my first Flexible Sigmoidoscopy (FlexSig).  On the family tree of gastrointestinal endoscopy procedures, a FlexSig is like the colonoscopy’s obnoxious little brother. Prepping for this required 36 hours of ingesting only clear liquids and Jell-O, followed by 12 hours of ingesting nothing at all.  I also had to make sure everything was “cleaned out”, but I’ll spare you the details of that process.

Unlike a colonoscopy, the FlexSig is a significantly smaller scope, which is good.  However, while a colonoscopy is done under heavy sedation, a FlexSig is not, which is bad.  My doctor informed me that most patients opt out of pharmaceutical aids during this procedure, but, if necessary, I could have a little something to “take the edge off”.  Once I told him that I was a girl who required valium for a trip to the dentist, he knew I wouldn’t be “opting out” of anything.

Now I need to explain the layout of this place.  It’s similar to an emergency room.  Imagine many gurneys next to each other, with only a cloth curtain between them.  Therefore, while I could not see any of today’s other victims, I could most definitely hear them. 

Most endoscopic procedures require the introduction of air into the colon.  Consider now a simple law of physics; what goes in must come out.  In the 20 minutes I had to wait before my turn, I experienced what I can only describe as a veritable symphony of flatulence.  The experience simultaneously grossed me out and cracked me up.  Of course, when my scope was done, I was determined to keep from contributing to the dyspeptic din.

You have to understand, when it comes to passing gas, I’m a very private person.  I don’t think Gregg heard a single fart from me during the first decade our relationship.  The thought of expelling air in this room was mortifying.  I had to wait through two cycles of vitals before they would unhook me and let me go to the restroom.  I’m thankful to say that I held it in and maintained a small scrap of my dignity today. 

It’s a small victory, but I’ll take ‘em where I can get ‘em.